Wall of Faith
I just spent the last 8 hours creating this in my apartment:
I call it the Wall of Faith.
I debated whether it was worth it to finish this tonight (knowing I probably wouldn’t do a good job on it and that I would have to wake up in four hours), but in the end, I knew I had to finish it.
The morning after Chapter Camp was over, I woke up sad. Waking up to this uneasy feeling of heartache and nostalgia made me realize something. Even after all the time, both forced and on my own, I spent processing and remembering and rejoicing in all of the ways God has been faithful in my life in the past four years, I still can’t look to the future with faith. Experiencing and remembering the ways God has been faithful in my life these past four years should make me look to the future with the same faith, with the same expectancy that these next four years will be just as great as the past four years because I follow a God who is faithful and works for my good. I can testify to that.
But instead, I worry about the future. I’m anxious for what is to come. I dwell in the past and long for memories while at the same time hardening my heart so I don’t have to feel. I tell myself things will never be the same and the best has already passed. I have such little faith.
In the Bible, especially in the Old Testament, you read about people building altars or monuments (Hollaaaa Joshua 4) as a memorial of a promise or blessing from God. This Wall of Faith is my cheap attempt at building such an altar. Built from pictures of the past four years (ok, mostly of the past two years since older pictures are on my laptop that was stolen) to constantly remind me that because I can testify to the ways God has blessed my past four years, I can and should look to my future with the same faith. With faith and hope and expectancy knowing that He will use these next four years of my life and that they will be AWESOME. This is my memorial of past blessings from God and of God’s promise to me for the future. I should be stoked about my future because I remember the ways He has worked in my past.
I will not wake up sad anymore. But even if I do, the very first thing I will see in the morning is this Wall of Faith. And it will be God’s reminder for me to smile.
PS The columns are categorized as follows from left to right: MOC Team, LSSG 2010-2011, Family and IVCCF Class of 2011, People, and LSSG 2009-2010
PPS Yea, Vivian, that is your card in the lower left corner that I taped right next to my pillow. “Remember to do what you love.” Thanks for the reminder.
